Indestructible Desire Read online

  “You need to rest Savannah; we can discuss all of this later. Right now you just need to focus on relaxing. We’ve been on pins and needles waiting for you to wake up. Kayden, Brooklyn, Reagan, Rebecca, and Mya have all been taking turns sitting with you. Your father has been so strong, I wish I could say the same…but I’ve been a complete mess.”

  “I can’t believe everyone’s been here with me. I heard them all talking but it was like I was dreaming. None of it seems real. No matter how hard I tried to wake up, I was too tired.”

  “You rest, I will go text everyone to let them know you’re awake. I love you, sweetie.” Leaning down, she kisses my cheek before leaving my hospital room.

  The doctor stays a few more minutes to check me over, and the nurse came in to increase my pain meds. I am too exhausted to talk anymore, and beyond frustrated that I can’t remember what the hell happened. I can’t believe it was so bad that the doctor had to cut into my head. This is most definitely not the best way to start off a new year.

  My issue of Envy is out this weekend, and we were supposed to fly into L.A. for the party to celebrate at Vertigo. Now it looks like I’ll be missing that too. Lying in my hospital bed, I am watching Miranda Lambert’s Over You music video. I love Miranda Lambert, her and Blake. I’ve been lucky enough to meet them a few times because of my parents, even exchanged numbers with her. Just as the video is ending, Kayden comes barreling through the doorway, practically giving me a heart attack.

  As soon as our eyes locked on one another, I instantly feel happiness pushing away the sorrow I’ve been drowning in since I woke up. He looks so tired, as if he’s aged years over the last few days I’ve been here. He’s wearing his worn and ripped American Eagle jeans and a button up plaid shirt. I love it when he dresses down, just as much as I love it when he’s all dressed up in his three-piece suits, looking ready to take on the world.

  “Oh my God! I can’t believe it, baby, you’re really awake. I didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to be by your side when you woke up.” Sitting down beside me, Kayden takes my face into his hands. I savor the feeling of his warm strong hands on my skin. I instantly feel safer the moment he’s near me. Leaning down, he presses his lips against mine for a gentle sweet kiss. Holding his lips against mine, we savor each other’s kiss.

  Pulling away from my mouth, Kayden gazes down at me with tears filling his eyes. Seeing the sadness in his eyes, instantly makes my chin quiver and the tears I’ve tried so hard to push away slowly return. “I love you so much, baby. I thought I lost you…”

  I let out a soft whimper as I saw the first tear fall from Kayden’s eyes. He's normally a man who, from the outside, looks so strong, as if nothing can affect him. Witnessing him breaking down in front of me is terrifying. Did I really come that close to losing my life? So close that Kayden is a complete mess right now? I hate seeing him so sad and hurting. I just want to kiss away all his sorrow and show him I’m alright.

  Wiping the tear from his cheek, I try my best to force a smile on my face. “I love you, too. Everything is fine; the doctors said my vitals are looking good. Before you know it, I’ll be as good as new.”

  The look of confusion and sadness on Kayden’s face is making my stomach tense up. Why am I getting the feeling that everyone is keeping something from me? I can see it eating away at Kayden right before my eyes.

  “Kayden, what’s going on? Why won’t anyone tell me what happened? The last thing I remember is eating dinner with Jacob and Zak; after that it’s all a blur. I don’t remember anything after that; I keep trying to recall something…anything. I'm not aware of saying goodbye to them before they left, you coming home from work…nothing. Why was I driving around town, anyways? Was I going to see you?”

  Taking in a deep breath, Kayden runs his hands over his face. It’s like he is having a tug-a-war with himself, trying to decide if he should tell me or not. It’s beginning to irritate me. “Kayden…I get it, I was seriously hurt, but I’m awake now. Not telling me what the hell happened to me isn’t fair. Instead of relaxing like everyone keeps telling me to do, I’m just stressing myself out. I’ve been laying here trying so hard to remember, but can’t.”

  Glancing towards the door, I can see he’s contemplating telling me. I don’t know if he’s afraid of what my parents will say or do. They all seem to think they have to walk on egg shells around me. “You were in a car accident a few nights ago. I was at work dealing with the issue at Beaumont Industries. You were with Jacob and Zak, Savannah, when your car crashed.”

  Why the hell was I with them? Why is it such a big deal for me to know that they were in the car with me? Unless they were not as fortunate as I am. Holding my stomach to try and calm the uneasiness bubbling inside of me, I try my best to work up the courage to ask Kayden my next question. I want to hurry and spit it out before my parents come in and stop him before he can answer me.

  “How are they? Are Zak and Jacob okay?” My voice is so shaky the words come out in a whisper; I can barely hear myself speak. As soon as the question leaves my mouth, I instantly question if I really want to know the answer.

  Kayden takes my right hand into his, pulling it up to his mouth and kissing it. I can feel his hands shaking as he holds onto me. Not able to look at me, he stares down at out hands entwined together. “You really don’t remember anything from that evening after you had dinner?”

  “No! Now please stop dancing around my question and just answer me. I need to know!” My fear is mixing with anger. I just want him to tell me, and not sugar coat anything.

  “Jacob is dead…and Zak is missing.” Kayden quickly drops my hand back onto the bed. Standing suddenly, he walks over to the large window beside my bed. For a long time Kayden just stands there looking out the window, as if it pains him to look at me.

  I am in shock; I break down and sob uncontrollably in my hospital bed.

  I welcome the dull pain shooting through my ribs and head as I cry. The pain helps ease the shock and sadness coursing through me right now and temporarily replacing my thoughts of my friend being dead, and the other, who knows?

  Through my teary vision, I see Kayden’s sad features being quickly replaced with anger, his face turning red and his eyes usually a gorgeous green, now looking dark and cold. “Seeing you cry for the loss of Jacob’s life, it shows just how much of a sweet and loving person you are, Savannah. It’s too bad they couldn’t appreciate your big heart.”

  I am so confused right now. Jacob and Zak were nothing but amazing towards me and him over these last few weeks. “What are you talking about, Kayden?”

  Pacing back and forth at the foot of my bed, Kayden runs both hands through his hair. This time gripping hair into both fists and pulling so hard that he winces in pain. Like me, he seems to welcome the pain he’s inflicting on himself. Something is eating away at the very soul of the man I love. “There is more Savannah, and I want to tell you, I really do, but I am terrified what learning the truth will do to you. Christ, Savannah! I just got you back.”

  I sit up trying my best to move slowly. My head is spinning, the pain medicine is kicking in, but moving around is still slightly painful. Reaching out my hand to Kayden, he takes it and walks back around to the side of my bed. “I understand you’re scared.” I say softly. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve been going through. I know if the roles were reversed and it was you lying in this bed I would be a complete mess!” I quickly flick a stray tear from my cheek. Taking in small slow breaths, I will my tears away. I am done crying for tonight.

  I think the best thing for us both right now is for me to stop pressuring Kayden into telling me everything tonight. Maybe it’s best to wait for my parents or Brooklyn to come back. Let them be the ones to tell me what happened. “If you don’t want to tell me, Kayden, I understand, if you want someone else to fill me in on the rest of the details, I’m okay with that. I love you and don’t want you to feel pressured into telling me anything.”

  It’s as if a weight has
been lifted off of Kayden. Letting out a loud sigh, his body instantly relaxes, but his eyes are overcome with sadness again. “I want to tell you everything, baby, believe me. I just don’t want to risk losing you. I was so afraid that you would never wake up. It would kill me to know that something I did hurt you.”

  The rush of love that has exploded in my chest right now is overwhelming. I never thought I would feel that kind of love for someone where your life isn’t complete unless they are in it. As a child I watched Disney movies, and dreamt of finding my Prince Charming. As life went on I thought that was a childish pipe dream. So I settled with a man I knew I loved and could imagine growing old with, but gave up on that idea of a love so explosive that the moment you are near each other, your breath is sucked from your lungs. Never thought I'd have one of those relationships with so much love that your heart skips a beat when they kiss you and sweetly say, “I love you.”

  With Kayden, I have that. I finally found my prince charming. I don’t ever want to be a cause of pain for him. Because I love him so much, I will push my questions into the back of my mind for now. Just enjoy this moment, knowing I am alive and going to be okay.

  Reaching for the collar of his white undershirt peeking out from under his button up shirt, I pull him towards me. Finally seeing a smile on Kayden’s lips which makes me instantly tingle all over, “Lay with me please?”

  “You don’t have to ask me twice. You should’ve seen the nurses trying to insist I sleep on a pull out bed. Needless to say, you haven’t slept alone a single night here, baby.”

  I can just imagine Kayden telling the nurses where to shove their pull out bed. A small giggle escapes my mouth, making the smile on Kayden’s face widen. “You’re such a rebel.” I say shaking my head, gladly snuggling into Kayden’s warm welcoming embrace.

  ***

  Chapter Two

  ***

  After a week in the hospital I’m beyond ecstatic to be finally going home. Kayden had to go back to work the day after I woke up, and my parents had to fly back to New York. I feel bad; they missed their New Years performance in Time Square. But they insisted that being by my side was far more important than any concert. They are doing a free concert tonight at Madison Square Garden for fans. I swear my parents have the biggest hearts of anyone I know. They truly love every single one of their fans.

  I wasn’t alone for a single second. Brooklyn and Rebecca were by my side every minute that Kayden was away at work. Reagan had photo shoots he couldn’t reschedule, but Brooklyn grabbed my iPad from the beach house so I could FaceTime with him every day.

  Mya and Braxton were life savers! They brought me the most delicious food from Braxton’s restaurant, even bringing meals for Brooklyn and Rebecca. It’s overwhelming all the love and support I’ve had while being cooped up in that God forsaken hospital.

  My parents, along with the doctor, told me everything about the night of my accident. Kayden sat with me, just holding my hand and being there to support me. While I learned the horrific truth of what happened the night I almost died, I’ve slowly began to regain my memory, which the doctors keep reassuring me is totally normal. Things come to me in short flashes of memory, some being more blurry than others.

  It all seems surreal, as if I am being told a story someone saw on the I.D. Channel, not something that I actually went through. I trusted Zak and Jacob wholeheartedly. They never once gave me a reason to doubt their friendship. They definitely conned me, and I feel like a fool for trusting them so easily.

  Since I awoke, I’ve struggled with sleeping. I fall asleep for maybe two hours and then I’m back up again. Nightmares plague me as more and more memories from that night come back to me. The fact that Zak is still out there is petrifying. I keep having dreams that he comes to my house and kidnaps me again. I wake up every time just before he kills me. The doctors prescribed me some sleeping pills to help me fall asleep at night. Because of the anxiety I’ve had, I struggle to shut off my thoughts and fall asleep. Even with the pills, though, I still haven’t had a full night's sleep yet.

  The detective working the case has been in to see me a few times to update us on the search for Zak, also to take my statement on what happened that night. All my memories are scrambled and jumbled together. I am having trouble knowing what happened first or last. I'm still in shock over the fact that I shot Jacob. The police said they first suspected Zak did it, but they discovered gun shot residue on my hands and found my pistol at the accident scene with my fingerprints on it and no one else’s.

  I’ve scheduled an appointment for next Monday to meet with a psychiatrist. The doctors think it will help me with my struggle to regain all of my memory from that night, and will help me with my fears and anxiety I’ve been plagued with. They even suggested Kayden come to some appointments with me. They said it may be good for him to speak with someone too, because we’ve both gone through a traumatic ordeal.

  With Zak still on the loose, Kayden thinks it’s best that we stay at his house in Sugarland. His house has security guards outside of the main gate leading into his gated community. He also has top of the line security at his house. Jax flew back in a few days ago. He helped Kayden with hiring a few more guys from the security company Jax is employed by. So now we have three more men who will be staying at the house with us.

  My stitches are almost all dissolved in my head. I was grateful they only did a small incision; you can’t see where they cut into it, or where they shaved some of my hair. My ribs are still sore; it feels like someone kicked the shit out of my ribcage repeatedly. Brooklyn stopped by the pharmacy and grabbed my prescriptions for me so Kayden could drive me straight home.

  I had a mini panic attack when leaving the hospital. I kept having nightmares the last two nights that Zak attacked Kayden and me outside of the hospital. He was shooting us both and screaming as we lay on the ground bleeding. He kept repeating that it’s my payback for taking Jacob away from him. The police assured me I was safe, that they had people all over looking for him, and that he would not be able to get anywhere near the hospital without being spotted first.

  After a long and uncomfortable ride, we finally pulled up to Kayden’s house. It was for the first time today, I was able to let out the breath I’d been holding in. Taking my hand, Kayden helped me to the front door with small slow steps. Every inch of my body hurts. My body took quite a beating when the car flipped. I have bruises everywhere.

  We were supposed to have a celebratory party at Vertigo in L.A this weekend to release my cover of Envy, but because of the accident, we canceled and rescheduled for two weeks later. Eloise sent me the February issue; it’s strange seeing myself on the cover. I’m used to doing the work on the issues, not being part of the actual issue itself.

  Brooklyn’s jeep pulled up behind Kayden’s car as soon as we reached his front doors. She and Rebecca quickly jumped out and started sprinting towards us. Rebecca has to fly back to L.A. tonight. It’s been nice having her here; it’s going to be hard saying goodbye. I’m grateful that Eloise gave her the few days off to come be with me.

  I noticed Brooklyn and Jax exchange smiles and polite hellos. They haven’t really spoken much since they both got back to Texas. He’s been tied up with getting the new security guys prepared for when I came home. She’s had her hands full between him and Dixon. Lucky for her Xander’s back on tour because Dixon and Jax, I think, are going to be hard enough to juggle.

  ***

  The pain meds the doctor prescribed me upset my stomach, so while everyone else is sitting around chowing down on dinner, I’m lying on Kayden’s oversized couch sipping on a Coca-Cola through a straw. Thank God I remembered from when I had my wisdom teeth out that sipping cola helps settle your stomach. I really need to plan something amazing for Braxton and Mya to thank them for all of their help. Kayden keeps offering to give Braxton money for all the food he’s been sending, but he refuses every time.

  Braxton has a multi-million dollar contract with the Hous
ton Texans and a successful chain of steak houses. So, I guess some free meals won’t make him go broke, either.

  Setting her plate on the coffee table, Rebecca walked over and knelt down on the floor beside the couch. Flashing a smile at me, her fire red lips separated to show off her big bright smile. She rocks her black bob hair cut with red chunky highlights, styled in random loose waves framing her heart shaped face. She’s beyond gorgeous and every guy's dream. I don’t know what it is about exotic looking women that make men fall all over themselves.

  “How ya feeling, girly? I feel bad you just lying here watching us all eat.” Pursing her lips she turns her gaze away from me momentarily and looks around at everyone scattered around the living room.

  “Its fine, really, these pain meds are awful. They’re helping, but making my stomach does flip flops. I think I’ll try to eat some orange sherbet after it settles down.”

  “You are going to wither away to nothing. I was happy these last few days I saw you nibble on some of the stuff Braxton had brought to the hospital. You’re going to be skin and bones, girlfriend.”