Mine Would Be You Read online

  “I was shocked when I got your text. I definitely wasn’t expecting that today.” He runs his right hand through his hair again, this time holding the back of his head for a few seconds before releasing his hair and bringing his hand back down to his pocket. His biceps are a little smaller than they were in college, which is understandable, since he played football back then. He still looks just as fit as ever though, with his t-shirt hugging his body, nicely showing off his impeccable muscles through the fabric.

  “I’ve actually been contemplating texting you since the day you got into town. I wanted to talk to you and try to kinda clear the air between us so things aren’t so awkward. Delilah is stressing out over us and I hate it. She should be turning into Bridezilla right now over wedding décor or how her dress is fitting, not wondering if we’ll get through the wedding without causing a scene.”

  He nods in agreement. “I think that’s a great idea. What do you say we go find a place in the shade to sit, because I’m bakin’ in this God forsaken heat.” His laughter is contagious and I find myself laughing along with him as he walks across the grassy field to a quiet spot in the park shaded under some large trees.

  “It is pretty hot today. I can’t wait to get out of these darn scrubs.”

  He eyes my outfit. “So you’re a nurse now, right? I think Delilah said at a pediatrics office?”

  It feels so strange sitting here having a casual conversation with him. There are kids running around on the playground only about a hundred feet ahead of us, so I watch them when I answer his question, because it’s too dangerous looking him straight in the eyes. His eyes are like my kryptonite, making my mind forget all the bad we’ve experienced between us and only remember the good times. I kick my flip-flops off and run my toes over the cool grass as I talk. “Yeah, I’ve worked there since I graduated nursing school. I lucked out; a position had opened up not long after I started looking. I love it. It isn’t exactly what I pictured I’d be doing with my life, but in the end, I’m still content where I am right now.”

  Shifting on the bench, Lawson turns more towards me and rests his arm along the bench behind me. The heat radiating off of his arm gently brushing against my back feels like fire on my skin. The crackling attraction between us is overwhelming. I keep telling my eyes to stay looking forward, but they too, like my body, betray me, and I find myself shifting to face him.

  “I’m sorry, Emelyn. I don’t know how many times I can say it before you’ll believe me, but I mean it. I’ve wished every single day after you left that I’d done something different. I hate I’m the reason you had to leave school. The shit I said and did to you before you came back to Lincoln…it was fucked up and wrong on so many levels.”

  Damn me and my sappy ass. I blink a few times as I will my now watering eyes to knock it off. I will not cry. Absolutely no way in hell am I crying. I’ve cried enough tears to last me a fricking lifetime.

  “It is what it is, Lawson. We can’t go back and correct our past mistakes. The only thing we can do now is live in the present, and find a way to make a better future. There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think about Lily, and yeah, I didn’t get to graduate from the college I wanted, but I’m still happy with my life. I probably saved myself long ass nights of no sleep and a Red Bull addiction by not attending medical school. I don’t want you to carry this guilt around anymore. I’m trying to learn how to cope and move forward with my life, and to do that, we need to leave the past where it belongs, which is in the past. Dredging it all up now will do none of us any good. The only thing that comes from ripping open old wounds is allowing the pain and darkness to escape that has been buried deep inside for all these years, letting it reenter your life, bringing you nothing but pain and heartache yet again.”

  Lawson inhales a sharp, deep breath as he runs his fingers through his hair once more. I find myself staring at his fingers sliding through his hair, and watching his lips part as he wets them with his tongue. I’m sitting here drooling over him as if he’s a big-ass, hot fudge frickin’ sundae!

  I’m all over the damn place today. Hot and bothered, to teary-eyed, and back to hot and bothered once again five seconds later.

  He smiles down at me and laughs, not just a slight ‘I’m somewhat entertained by your statement’ kind of laugh, but a soft ‘make my heart flutter in my chest, because it seeps through my skin and straight into my soul’ kind of laugh. “When did you become so damn philosophical?” he asks, genuinely surprised by my response.

  Shrugging my shoulders, I find myself laughing along with him. I in no way pictured this would be how it’d go when we finally got together to talk today. I’m actually somewhat relaxed around him, more so than I ever imagined I’d be. “I have no clue. I guess those smarty-pants kids are rubbing off on me. Some of them know more than I do. It’s scary.”

  Lawson’s smile stretches across his face, and my breath hitches as I spot his left dimple appear and feel his thumb brush across my shoulder. “Well, I for one am glad to see you’re doing so well. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you asked me to come meet you here today. I want nothing more than to see Delilah happy and bursting with excitement on her wedding day. If that means we have to make nice in order for that to happen, so be it.”

  Suddenly, he’s standing, and my shoulder is feeling slightly naked as his hand leaves it. I can still feel a slow burn on my skin where his fingers just were.

  I slip my flip-flops back on and stand too. I lace my fingers together nervously as I stare up into his bright twinkling eyes sparkling in the afternoon sun. “Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me and Delilah. So I guess I’ll see you around then,” I say as more of a question than a statement, and I don’t know why.

  Do I want to see him again?

  The answer should be a definite no.

  But…

  I find myself saying maybe…so maybe I do?

  Before I can process what’s happening, Lawson is wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against his hard body for a light hug. In my stunned state, I just stand there with my hands hanging between us as my brain plays catch-up with my body and processes the fact that he’s hugging me right now. I breathe in deeply and feel momentarily drunk on the delicious scent that is Lawson. I notice a hint of cigarettes and wonder when he started smoking.

  When we were together, he lived and breathed football the same way I did softball, and always viewed his body as his temple, refusing to do anything that’d cause it harm. He hardly ever even drank when we went out. That’s why the night of the accident was so hard on all of us, because it was so uncharacteristic for Lawson to consume that much alcohol.

  We did get carried away with drinking games, which we all begged and pleaded with him to join in on, but I assumed it’d wear off before we left the party. Little did I know making that one misjudgment would cause the ripple effect it did that night.

  I bring my hands up and sprawl them across his back, hugging him, but then backing away to break from his embrace.

  Why does he have to make me want him so badly?

  Where’s the pissed off, headstrong Emelyn when I need her?

  “Thanks again, Emelyn.” He cups my face between his hands as I peer up at his face, which has a pained look taking over his normally tough features. He leans down and presses a chaste kiss to my forehead before turning around, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and stalking off towards his bike.

  My legs feel like Jell-O as I process everything that just happened. I plop back down on the bench and pull my phone from my scrubs pocket, staring down at it so I don’t look like an idiot just hanging around here while I wait for him to leave. I can feel his eyes on me, and even though I tell myself not to look, I still turn my head and watch as he slips his helmet back on, shielding his face from me. He raises his hand, giving me a small wave before firing his Harley back up. I wave back before pulling up my contacts and typing a message to Delilah.

  I talked to him…but now I’m really, r
eally, really confused. Meet me at Coffee & Books?

  By the time I get into my car, my phone goes off and I already know it’s her texting me back. That was record time for her, but I can just imagine she’s been staring at her phone all afternoon waiting for my text. I wrote her at lunchtime telling her today would be the day I reached out to him. Opening the text, I giggle as I read it.

  I’m on my way! Hurry ur ass up bc I need to know how it went. My brother left the park in one piece I hope… ;)

  She is something else. I reply back, telling her she’ll have to wait for me to get to the café and have another coffee in my hands before I divulge any information. After this afternoon, I think I’m in need of Irish coffee.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Lawson

  July 22, 2006

  Pelham, Alabama

  “This has been, hands down, the best night ever!” Emelyn’s smile is ear-to-ear as she gushes about the concert with my sister Delilah and their best friend Lily.

  We’ve spent the last several hours partying with other country music fans. We kicked off the night tailgating for a few hours in the parking lot before the concert. We didn’t know a single person we partied with, but by the time we moved the party inside, we were all passed buzzed and talking like we’ve all known each other our entire lives.

  It’s a perfect southern summer night to party at an outdoor concert. Emelyn is looking sexier than ever in her cutoff shorts, boots, and Rascal Flatt’s tour t-shirt she has knotted on her side, letting a little bit of her tan skin peek out from underneath.

  I think my eyes spent more time watching her tonight than they did watching the actual concert. Her excitement was contagious, and I found myself letting loose and dancing with her to the music and singing along. It’s worth the money I spent making this memory with her.

  I worked every single day for the last six months at my uncle Kip’s garage to make enough money to buy our concert tickets and a special gift I’ll be giving her later on tonight. She kept insisting she could pay for hers, but there was no way in hell I was letting her do that. This is our last summer together before I move to Tuscaloosa to attend the University of Alabama. She and my little sister Delilah still have two more years of high school, and I know it’s freaking Emelyn out. I want her to know I love her and, no matter how close or far apart we are, nothing will change that.

  We’re making a trip of this and camping all weekend at the Oak Mountain State Park before driving back home Monday morning. It sucks tomorrow’s our last day here, but we’ve had a blast so far. The guys and I spent all of yesterday fishing while the girls did horseback riding, and then we all got back together to bar-b-que at our campsite. We spent the entire night around the campfire bullshitting and making the girls some s’mores.

  Tonight is the same plan, but I plan on doing something a little more romantic with Emelyn after we drop everyone off at our campsite.

  Snaking my arm around her waist, I tug Emelyn away from her friends and against my side. I press a kiss to her neck and whisper in her ear, “This concert was pretty fuckin’ awesome. But the night is still young, baby.”

  Turning her head, she narrows her eyes at me. “It’s almost one in the morning. How the hell do you see this as the night still being young?” she asks, letting out a light airy laugh that makes my heart leap in my chest and my dick begin to harden in my jeans as thoughts of the things I want to do to her play in my head.

  Down, boy.

  Soon enough, I’ll be buried deep inside her, and if all goes well, it’ll be celebratory sex under the stars.

  We all pile inside my truck, with Emelyn crammed in the middle between me and my friend Eli, and Lily, Grayson, and Delilah in the back seat. I fire up the engine and work my way through the sea of cars as we all fight to try and get out of this madhouse of a parking lot.

  As we fly down the road towards the campsite, I can’t help but steal glances over at Emelyn. She has her arms in the air, swaying to the radio, singing along with every song that comes on. We have all the windows down, causing her long ponytail to dance around behind her in the wind. I don’t know how I got the girl, but I sure as hell am glad I did. It took a lot of years, but somehow we found our way to one another.

  I knew the moment I saw her the first day she moved in next door she was the girl I wanted to marry one day. Thanks to her preacher-stricter-than-any-guy-I-know father, I couldn’t make my move and officially ask her out until she turned sixteen. But that didn’t stop us from stealing kisses behind the large oak tree behind my house, or under the bleachers Friday nights before the football games.

  It’s been nearly ten years in the making.

  Tonight is the night I’m going to take that next step and bring us one step closer to having our ‘forever’ we’ve spent so many years day dreaming about.

  ~~~

  Putting my truck in park, I watch everyone jump out, but as Emelyn begins to scoot across the bench seat towards the passenger side door, I reach out, grabbing her hand. “Not so fast, LaClaire. We have one more thing to do before we call it a night.”

  A small take-my-breath-away smile dances across her lips as she shuts the door and scoots back next to me. She brings her left hand up to my head, snatching my ball cap off and tossing it onto the seat beside her. I rarely take my hat off. The only time I do is when Emelyn removes it so she can play with my hair. Her fingers slide through my hair and her nails lightly scratch at my scalp, causing my breath to hitch and my dick to spring back to life, pressing against the zipper of my jeans, just begging to be released.

  “What do you have up your sleeve, McCoy?” she asks as she works her fingers down to my neck.

  Lifting my hand, I cup her cheek and trace her full bottom lip with the pad of my thumb before leaning in and pressing a short, sweet kiss to her lips. I love kissing her. It’s one of my favorite things to do, next to making love to her.

  Breaking our kiss, I give her a devilish smirk as I watch her eyes sparkle in the moonlight shining through my windshield. “You’ll see soon enough.”

  Shifting my truck into reverse, I back out of the site and head down the dirt road toward the docks.

  I let Emelyn climb out of the truck first. When she’s not looking, I reach under my seat, retrieving the small black velvet box I hid under it two nights ago. I slip my ball cap back on and stuff the ring box into my pocket before joining her in front of the truck.

  Lacing our fingers together, we walk in silence down the grassy hill to the wooden fishing dock. The air is buzzing with electricity as it crackles between us. I can feel her nervous excitement mixing with mine as I rub gentle circles on her hand. Every few seconds, we glance at one another, but neither of us speaks a word.

  The water looks like glass, with the reflection of the moon and stars mirroring from it. As we walk hand-in-hand down the wooden dock. The sound of crickets and bullfrogs fill the warm night air with a nighttime lullaby. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect night.

  “Let’s sit right here,” I finally say, breaking the silence between us.

  My voice breaks slightly as my nerves begin to take over. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t be nervous, but I guess I was fooling myself. I’m so beyond nervous right now I have to keep telling myself, “I will not puke in the lake and ruin this moment.”

  We let our feet dangle over the dock as we stare into each other’s eyes. Her hands are folded in her lap, clamped together tightly as I wrap my hand around her waist, hugging her against me once again. “I know you’re probably wondering why I have you down here at the beach at almost two in the morning.” I laugh nervously. I lick my now dry lips and urge myself to continue. “The thing is I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the last few months, and…well, I came to the conclusion that I don’t want to go away to college and leave you wondering if when I tell you I love you and being apart won’t change things between us it’s the truth.”

  Emelyn is staring up at me with big, bright blue doe eyes
as she listens to what I’m saying. She is beginning to look as nervous as I feel. I notice her hands are twitching a lot in her lap. Reaching with my free hand, I rest it over hers, “Relax, baby.”

  “Sorry.” The word comes out as a whisper and she gently bites on her bottom lip, trying to suppress an anxious smile. “You’re just making me really nervous right now.”

  She looks so beautiful right now, with her face slightly flushed from the humidity and her long hair blowing around her in the gentle breeze. I lock this image of her in my memory to picture in my mind every time I miss her while we’re apart.

  “God, do you know how much I love you?” I ask as I tighten my grasp on her hand and lean in to kiss her again. This time, our kiss lasts longer as I savor the taste of her lips on mine. I don’t know how I’m going to survive not being able to do this every day.

  Her lips are warm and perfect as they press against mine. Her tongue is sweet as strawberry wine as it slips into my mouth and caresses mine.

  I let out a rough moan as I force myself to stop kissing her. If I don’t do this now, I’ll end up forgetting what the hell it is I’m doing here and jump straight to fucking her on this dock.

  “You’re all over the place tonight,” she teases as I let go of her hand, rub my face, and let out a frustrated sigh.