Tempt My Heart Read online

  I hope this doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass.

  A look of shock flashes across her face, “Are you serious?”

  Nodding my head yes, I add one more stipulation, “I think I should stay with you on the bus from now on, until we finish our tour to make sure you stay true to your word.” Before she can protest, I press my finger against her lip, “Nah, ah, ah…one more thing, if there is a drop of coke hidden on this bus, I want you to go get and it so we can flush it down the toilet.”

  Brittan stares at me for a few beats before falling back in defeat against the seat. “Whatever. I suppose this bus is big enough for the two of us. It gets pretty fucking boring sitting around here by myself while we’re driving. And for your other question…No, that was the last of my stash. There are no drugs, whatsoever, on this bus.”

  I am a fucking genius.

  Now that’s what I call successfully thinking on your toes. I get to spend the next five and a half months living on this luxurious bus and hopefully spend the nights in Brittan’s bed doing more than just sleeping.

  I flash Brittan my best panty dropping grin and ask, “So, where will I be sleeping?” As I roam my eyes around the bus before settling back on her.

  Laughing, Brittan practically spits her latte across the table at me, “You will be enjoying your evenings anywhere you want…but not in my bed.”

  I can’t help but be the one laughing now.

  “We’ll see about that.”

  Tempt Me

  Brittan

  I don’t know what I was thinking agreeing to allow Jordon to move onto my tour bus. This spells disaster for me in big bold freaking letters!

  I don’t know what he told his bandmates, but I bet it went something like, “Yeah¸ Brittan is addicted to my cock, so she wants me on her tour bus as her personal sex slave.”

  Men.

  Total douches.

  I am grateful my slip up isn’t ending with my ass back in rehab. I was beyond stupid last night getting high, but hopefully with Jordon around he’ll help me stay on track and regain my strength to stay sober.

  To be sober, you have to want it. I know I need to stay away from coke, but the cravings can become overwhelming. The only way I can stay clean is by wanting it more than I want anything else, even music. I truly want to be the girl I was before addiction took over my life.

  I’m trying to block out the major meltdown and the overwhelming feelings that consumed every inch of my body as Jordon held me while we slept last night. The dream I had of Cane was so vivid that it just keeps replaying in my head today.

  My band members will be happy because my creative juices are flowing, and I have been inspired from all the shit I’ve been dealing with lately. My notebook is now full of new lyrics. Last night alone I wrote four songs that I think will blow them away.

  I have my iPod on full blast as I scribble new lyrics in my notebook. I’m trying to distract myself from my thoughts that keep wondering back to Jordon. It’s not easy to do when he’s sitting on the couch across from me playing video games.

  We’re on the road heading from Phoenix to Salt Lake City, Utah. Our next show is there in two days. It’ll be nice to have some down time before our next concert. Staying at a hotel will be fantastic; I am sick of staring at the walls of this bus.

  Plus some distance between Jordon and I will be good.

  I feel like any second my body is going to overpower my brain and pounce on Jordon. We’ve spent the entire day trying to ignore the sexual tension brewing between us, but it’s beginning to become impossible.

  I walked into the kitchen this morning and found him sitting at my table with breakfast and coffees, sporting the biggest smile as he raked his eyes over every inch of me. I was wearing only a t-shirt and boy shorts. Since then, I’ve felt this overwhelming feeling that when I’m around Jordon, I’m laid bare before him. He sees deep inside me, exposing everything about myself without speaking a damn word.

  Flyleaf’s, Fire Fire is playing, and the beat is over taking me. It inspires me to write the next line of lyrics as they pour out of me. Ever since last night, I’ve had this song bouncing around inside my head about Jordon but I’ve struggled to get it out. Now after fighting with myself all day the lyrics are coming to me faster than I can write them down.

  Eyes see straight into my soul,

  Exposing all the secrets I try to hide,

  What you don’t know is my sadness is like a poison,

  As deadly as a loaded gun.

  *

  Save me from the evil inside of me,

  Poison, poison destroying everything I see!

  *

  You see the real me I hide so deep,

  Behind the fake smile are tears of pain,

  Exposed to you I show my scars,

  Pain locked behind steel bars.

  *

  Save me from the evil inside of me,

  Poison, poison destroying everything I see!

  *

  Guilt is eating away at me,

  I’m ashamed of what I’ve become,

  Wounds wide open exposed to you,

  For you, I try to become something new.

  *

  Save me from the evil inside of me,

  Poison, poison destroying everything I see!

  *

  Save me from the evil inside of me,

  Poison, poison destroying everything I see.

  *

  You see straight through the wall so high

  I’m afraid of what you see (I’m ashamed of all my lies)

  Crying for the girl I use to be (Falling from the clouds I come crashing back down)

  Fighting until I reveal my truths (My escape is no longer getting high)

  I now get lost in those eyes (The ones that see through all my lies)

  Setting my pencil down, I decide to take a break from writing. I love the song I just wrote but at the same time I’m scared to record it. It’s the first song I’ve written about a man other than Cane. It terrifies me how Jordon can see through every boldfaced lie I try to reveal.

  He pushes all of my buttons and breaks down my walls, all at the same time.

  I sit biting on the inside of my cheek as I watch Jordon. Everything in me is screaming to walk across the bus and dive on his lap, sealing my lips against his. He’s lying there in his jeans and no shirt, lost in his video game, while I sit here and imagine doing all kinds of dirty things to him.

  I am torn with what I want. It’s driving me insane, this constant battle with myself.

  We have five and a half months left of this tour, so getting involved with him poses a major risk. I’m afraid if I open myself up to him I’ll end up destroying the little part of me that is left. My mind says he is a rock star whose career is just taking off. He won’t want to settle down, so a bed buddy would be the perfect relationship for us both.

  God! Why does life have to be so damn complicated?

  Standing, I plop down beside him and laugh to myself as he turns and locks those beautiful blue eyes onto mine and gives me a questionable glance.

  I swear I could write a hundred songs just about those damn eyes! I seriously have issues. Out of everything about Jordon from his perfectly chiseled jaw line, nicely defined muscles, awe inspiring tattoos, the one thing about him that sends me drowning in a pool of desire is his freaking eyes!

  “You wanna play?” He asks shaking his controller at me.

  Shaking my head I tell him, “Nah, just going to chill and play on my phone.” As I begin playing Candy Crush.

  Shrugging his shoulders he stares at me for another second before flashing me a devilish grin, “Candy Crush? Seriously?” He asks snatching the phone out of my hand.

  “Hey!” I shout and jump up onto my knees as I try to grab my phone back out of his hands.

  “I never pictured you as a Candy Crush kinda girl.” He says with amusement in his voice, as he dangles my phone up above his head.

  “Well, not like
there’s much of anything else to do around here to help pass the time.”

  Jordon raises an eyebrow at me, and a seductive smirk creeps up on his lips. “Oh, I can think of a few ways to pass the time.”

  Letting out a sigh of annoyance, I plop down on his lap and shudder slightly as I feel his cock hardening beneath me. I slide my fingers down his smooth muscular chest and attempt to hide the fact that he has me unraveling with each passing second.

  “Get your head out of the damn gutter…and give me my phone!” I demand, as I lean up on my knees and attempt to snatch my phone.

  Taking me by surprise, Jordon leans forward wrapping his free arm around my waist and flips me on my back. In one swift movement, he’s got me beneath him. His dark lock of hair falls over his eyes slightly and beckons me to run my fingers through it. For a split second, I forget about my phone.

  He grinds the bulge in his jeans against me causing a moan to escape my mouth. I bite down on my lip, as I try to fight the desire pooling between my thighs. He makes me wet with just the slightest touch.

  “I think you like it when my mind is in the gutter, Brittan.” Jordon murmurs, his words laced with sex. He hastily places my phone on the arm of the couch and fists my messy bun. Pulling slightly, he forces my head to tilt back giving him access to my neck.

  “You’re one cocky SOB…you know that, right?” My words come out clipped as I try to contain the moans that are threatening to escape.

  My entire body is on high alert as it awaits his next move. He presses his lips to my skin, instantly making it feel like hot coals branding me and marking my body as his. Jordon’s mouth feels like heaven on my skin. I shut out the voices in my head for the first time ever. Allowing myself to feel his touch, and savor the exhilarating sensation that’s consuming my body with each kiss and caress he’s giving me.

  I slide my hands along his bare back, loving the contrast of his smooth skin mixed with the firmness of his muscles as my hands explore his body.

  “That I am. Admit it…my asshole persona turns you on.”

  I can’t help but laugh at his response. He is so full of himself, but I guess I can’t argue with him since he’s turned the tables on me. Now instead of avoiding him, I’m lying underneath him practically panting like a fucking dog in heat.

  I can’t stare at those lips for another second, they’ve been tempting me all afternoon and my resolve is finally falling away. “You won’t get any confessions out of me, Jordon.” I tease, as I grip his hair and pull his mouth down to mine.

  The softness of his lips mixed with the pure hunger consuming us both and has my body flying on a high. A high I only feel when Jordon’s lips are pressed against mine. Slowly, he dips his tongue into my mouth. With each caress, his kiss is fierce and full of passion. The only sound on the bus is our moans as our tongues tangle together, practically blending into one.

  Pulling away from me, Jordon sits up on his knees leaving me breathless. I prop myself up and begin pulling my shirt over my head, when Jordon reaches out, fisting it and practically tearing it off of my body.

  He freezes for a moment as he just stares down at me with lust pouring out of his gaze; melting me where I lie. My entire body flushes. I feel his eyes taking in my breasts and working their way down to my leopard boy shorts.

  “Your body is pure perfection.” He says hoarsely as he leans back down. He trails a path of sizzling hot kisses over the swells of my breasts, and slowly slides his tongue down the valley between them.

  A shiver of electricity jolts through my body as his tongue dips into my belly button, and he sucks my belly ring into his mouth.

  My core is tingling, and it’s almost unbearable as I wait for him to finally touch me. I swear the slightest touch is going to send me over the edge; I am so worked up.

  A cocky grin stretches across Jordon’s lips as he torturously slides his fingers inside the waistband of my panties. His callused fingers cause my entire body to become blanketed in goose bumps.

  I swear my head is about to roll off of my body; it’s spinning so fast.

  “You’re seriously trying to make me internally combust…I. Swear. To. God!” I moan, as he peels my panties off and drags his tongue from hipbone to hipbone.

  He lets out a husky laugh against me, tickling my skin.

  I hate he can affect me like this and I have no strength to fight him. Normally, I am ready to spar against him and resist his charm or attempts to seduce me. I’ve put up a good fight these last two weeks, but right now my body is waving the white flag. I’m surrendering to Jordon and begging him to fuck me to the verge of unconsciousness.

  These last two weeks I’ve fought tooth and nail to resist his advances, but now I’m finally giving in to my deepest desires that have been trying to claw their way to the surface. It’s time to take the plunge and let go of all my fears. I’ve been depriving myself of what I truly want. I’ve been substituting it with the pleasure of other men, who can’t even come close to making me feel the way Jordon does.

  I feel as if I’m floating above myself, watching what is unfolding as Jordon removes his jeans and frees himself. His length is rock hard, and the tip is already glistening with pre-cum. My mouth aches to wrap around it and suck him dry. But right now my desire to cum overrides my hunger to blow him; I snake my legs around his waist. I can feel his skin burning hot as it presses between my thighs.

  He gives me a questionable glance. “I want this,” I whisper as I grip his cock, and press the warm velvety head at my entrance.

  The emotions that consume me are overwhelming, as he slides inside of me. I can’t fight the tears that are building up in my eyes. I clench around Jordon’s cock as it slides in and out of me, sending a delicious tingling pleasure over every inch of me.

  For the first time since Cane, I’m allowing myself to be with a man purely out of lust. I’m relishing in the feeling of Jordon inside of me and his lips on mine instead of using sex as a way to numb my pain.

  “You okay?” He asks against my lips as he squeezes my thigh, angling himself perfectly. With each thrust, he slams against my clit sending my body into a sea of ecstasy.

  I can’t find the strength to speak, so I just nod my head yes, and grip Jordon’s ass digging my nails into it as I silently ask him to go faster.

  Within seconds, my body is tightening around Jordon while an orgasm explodes within me. “Ooohhh…God!” I chant over and over until my throat grows hoarse.

  Jordon climax’s along with me, pumping feverishly and burying his face into the crook of my neck, biting down on it as he swirls his tongue around my sensitive flesh. He grinds his hips in perfect rhythm, playing my body like an instrument. Jordon makes me come undone even before my first orgasm can end.

  I slide my arms along his back and lock them tightly around his body, holding on to him with fear that if I let him go none of this will be real. I need to feel him…every inch of him against me.

  “Fuck, Brittan. You fit perfectly around me.” Jordon murmurs against my skin. I feel his dick pulsating inside me as his body crashes on top of mine.

  “I know. That was…I can’t even put into words what that was.” I whisper so low its barely audible.

  The feeling of pure unimaginable peace that’s settling over my body is overwhelming.

  I can’t begin to process what the hell is going on in my head right now. Images of Cane and I together flash in my mind, as I try to make sense of the feelings mounting inside of me for Jordon.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to control my breathing and will the panic attack away. I don’t want to ruin this moment. For the first time, I feel like I am slowly healing and I keep reminding myself that Cane wants me to be happy.

  “Brittan, open your eyes.” Jordon says, gently sliding his fingers along the side of my face.

  Opening them, I peer up into his and allow myself to get lost momentarily in his deep blue irises. They send a wave crashing over me washing my fears away, and allowing a calm to
settle inside my heart that was only a moment ago beating frantically against my chest.

  “You okay?” His words are filled with fear, and I don’t want him to be afraid to touch me. Or for him to worry that one wrong move will shatter me, sending me back into the addiction that has crippled my life for too many years.

  Nodding, I give him a weak smile, “I’m okay. Just a little overwhelmed. For the first time in eight years, I don’t feel guilty.” I answer honestly with my voice cracking.

  I refuse to cry.

  I have cried enough tears. It’s time to allow myself to feel happiness.

  Jordon sucks in a sharp intake of air, as he processes what I’m saying.

  Sliding out of me, he leans down and presses a short kiss to my lips. Pushing up he searches my face as he looks to be struggling with whatever thoughts are bouncing around in his head.

  With each passing second of silence, my body tenses as fear seeps into my bones.

  I am hard to handle on a good day, maybe Jordon is thinking he bit off more than he can chew.

  Surprising me, Jordon grips the side of my face and crashes his mouth to mine for a soul shattering, heart stopping kiss. I sink into the couch beneath me as my body relaxes.

  Stopping our kiss, Jordon rests his forehead against mine and lets out the sexiest chuckle, “What are you doing to me Brittan McKenna?”

  I let out a nervous laugh, “I don’t know…but I’d like to ask you the same thing.”

  Riding a New Kind of High

  It feels like it was just yesterday we were loading our buses to kick off this tour, and now it’s the eleventh of February! I never imagined I would be enjoying my tour as much as I am right now, but I’m actually have the most fun touring that I’ve had in years.

  It’s been almost three weeks and six shows since Jordon moved onto my bus. Things between us have been amazing.

  Overwhelming.

  But absolutely amazing.

  I am trying to heal, and Jordon is helping me with that. For now, we’re just friends with benefits, but I haven’t seen him hooking up with anyone besides me. I’ve had more than enough chances to hook up with guys over the last few weeks after shows, but I’m trying to stop my destructive behavior and focus on my sobriety. I’m also slowly learning to accept that it’s okay to be happy.