Mine Would Be You Read online

  I was a fucking immature prick who thought he was invincible, and in the process, destroyed the dreams of the girl I planned on spending my life with and took the life of another.

  I’ve thought of a million different scenarios for when I finally see Emelyn, each playing out differently, but ending the same way: with her still telling me she never wants to see me again. I spotted her and my sister in the local café across from my mother’s shop, but knew it wasn’t the right time or place to try and get her to talk to me.

  She looked absolutely breathtaking. In one way, she looked like a totally different person, but in the smallest of ways, she still looks like the same girl I’d loved for eleven years of my life.

  Last night when I pulled into my sister’s driveway, I spotted a car I didn’t recognize and asked Grayson about it. When he told me it was Emelyn’s, I offered to leave, even though I secretly wanted to stay just so I could catch another glimpse of her, and possibly get a chance to finally talk to her. He insisted I stay and said we’d all have to be around each other soon enough and he’d rather have us get our shit sorted out now rather than on his wedding day.

  I feel like shit. I hate my sister and Grayson have to stress about their wedding day and what will happen when Emelyn and I have to be around one another, and not just in the same room, but having to walk down the aisle together as we exit the church at the end of their ceremony. Then, afterwards, we’ll all have to be together for wedding photos and the reception. So I agree it’s best to get all of our issues hashed out sooner rather than later. That’s easier said than done though, when the girl you’re talking about made it very clear she never wanted to see you again.

  There’s only one person to blame for this, and that’s me. I completely understand why she feels the way she does. I promised her I’d love her and no one else the night of graduation, when I asked her to marry me. Then, I jumped into bed with some chick at a frat party I didn’t even know, ruining the one perfect thing in my life. I was in so much pain, and the guilt from what happened was eating away at me. Every time I saw Emelyn, I saw the pain and hurt in her eyes. It was too much. So I sabotaged my relationship. I knew word would get out, but I had no idea it would so quickly.

  The day she left Tuscaloosa, I knew right then and there I’d made the second biggest mistake of my life.

  A part of me was disappointed, but another part of me was relieved when she and my sister pulled into the driveway last night and she didn’t come in. Of course I had to get a glimpse of her. I watched as she climbed into her car to leave, and she must’ve spotted me in the window, because within a few seconds of starting her car, she was driving in reverse straight into my sister’s trashcans.

  I offered to go outside, see if she was okay, and help clean up the cans, but my sister and Grayson in unison told me no. So, my ass stayed inside while they ran out to make sure Emelyn and her car were both all right.

  Seeing her plow over cans just from seeing me has me nervous as all hell, because if that’s what happened just from spotting me in a damn window, I don’t even want to imagine what’ll happen once we come face-to-face and have to speak to one another.

  I just hope it doesn’t end with my face buried in my sister’s wedding cake. This is why I’m determined to see her to try to do whatever I can to get us at a good place before the wedding is here, which doesn’t leave me much time at all. The clock is ticking, and yet here I sit, being a chicken shit, staring at my phone, telling my fingers to call her and see if she’ll meet me for coffee to talk, or somewhere more private if she doesn’t want our first time seeing each other to be in a public place in case things get kind of crazy.

  I stare at my phone one more time before chickening out and shoving it back into my pocket. I’ll just call her tomorrow.

  My phone vibrates as soon as I put it away, making me jump.

  Digging it back out, I glance at the screen and see it’s a text from Grayson.

  Wanna go to the pub for some beers & pool?

  I have nothing else to do besides sit in my parents’ living room and watch the Outdoor Channel with my dad. My mom is over at Delilah’s helping with wedding stuff, and I imagine Grayson is bored out of his ever-loving mind. I text him back immediately.

  Sure. I got nothing better to do. R U picking me up or do u want me to meet u there?

  Grayson texts back that he’ll swing by and get me, so I run upstairs to my old bedroom where I’m staying these next two weeks and change quickly. I throw on some faded blue jeans, my biker boots, and a short-sleeved tee. I slip on my lucky black Jack Daniels ball cap before heading outside to wait for Grayson.

  It’s a warm night, but thankfully not too hot. Normally every night is so damn muggy you can’t stand to sit outdoors in jeans. I dig my pack of cigarette out of my pants and light one up to help pass the time. I’m trying to quit, but I’ve found myself smoking more in the last few days leading up to coming to Lincoln than I have in six months. It’s the only way I can relax. My mother hates it, and has nagged at me every time she sees me outside smoking.

  It’s been my vice for the last four years, and I know it’ll more than likely kill me, but I’ll worry about trying to quit again once I return home and back to my normal life. For right now, I’m smoking, because if I don’t, I’ll lose my fucking sanity.

  Two smokes later, Grayson finally pulls into the driveway.

  “You ready to get your ass whooped, and fill my pockets in the process?” he asks with a cocky grin as I climb into the passenger seat of his truck.

  I blow hard between my lips and furrow my brows at him. “Pfft, dream on, asshole. The only guy who’ll be losin’ money tonight is you.”

  Shifting into reverse, he talks while backing the truck out onto the street. “Your sister is making me broke as shit with this fuckin’ wedding, so I need to hustle my ass off tonight. So prepare to lose, dickhead. And FYI, you stink. Put this on.” He reaches across the front of me and pops open the glove box, pulling out a can of body spray.

  I can’t help but roll my eyes at the dickhead. He used to smoke a damn pack a day, and since he quit smoking last year, he bitches whenever he smells cigarettes on anyone. “Yeah, yeah…I’d hate to offend your sensitive disposition, pussy,” I tell him as I spray it on myself, and we banter back and forth for the rest of the drive. It won’t be so bad having this guy as my brother-in-law.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Lawson

  The second we push through the doors of the pub, we head straight to the bar to order a pitcher of beer to bring to our table. “Can we get a pitcher of whatever’s on tap?” I ask as I drum my fingers on the edge of the bar. For a Sunday night, the bar is packed. It always gets busier around here when college is out for the summer. I had to squeeze between two old guys chatting just to order our beer, because there’s barely room to move up here.

  “Hey, you get the beer ordered?” Grayson asks, clapping me on the shoulder. Shifting, I prop my forearm on the bar. “Yup, I just ordered whatever’s on tap. Is the pool table open?” I ask, trying to peer over the sea of heads bobbing around as people move about the bar.

  “There’s a game goin’ on now, but there’s a table beside it we can sit at until it opens up. Maybe we can even get them to pair up, us against them. That way, we both leave here with our pockets filled.” He lets out a low chuckle as he digs into his back pocket to grab his wallet.

  “Beer’s on me, bro. You got a wedding in two weeks, remember?” Winking at him, I fish my wallet out, slap the money on the bar, and grab the pitcher of beer while Grayson grabs our mugs.

  As we’re making our way through the bar towards the last open table near the pool table, I hear someone yell Grayson’s name. We set the beer and glasses down and turn to see a tall, blonde, and pretty well-built guy who looks to be about an inch or so shorter than me approaching us.

  He waves his hand in the air holding a bottle of beer, and yells again. Between the jukebox and people talking amongst themselves, i
t’s hard to hear in here.

  “Hey, Tucker!” Grayson says cheerfully as he and the dude clap hands and pull each other in for a bro-hug.

  “I thought that was you at the bar. What are you doin’ out on a Sunday? Shouldn’t you be home getting your beauty rest for your shift tomorrow?”

  Grayson lets out a low grunt. “I was drowning in wedding crap and estrogen back at the house, so I called up Lawson to see if he wants to grab a couple beers and play a game of pool. I needed to get out and do something manly so I don’t feel like I’ve completely lost my damn balls.”

  I cross my arms over my chest and watch as they greet each other, and wait to see if Grayson will introduce us.

  Turning, he waves his hand out to me and grips my shoulder, with a big grin spread across his face. “Tucker, this is my future brother-in-law Lawson. He’s my best man in the wedding.” He looks from me to Tucker as he speaks.

  Unfolding my arms, I stuff my left hand in my jeans pocket and extend my right out to Tucker. He gives me a firm handshake as he nods his head at me. “Nice to finally meet you. Grayson here goes on and on about you all the time at the firehouse. He says you run a custom bike shop in Tuscaloosa, and even make motorcycles for celebrities. That’s really cool, man.”

  Nodding, I slap Grayson on the back, and with laughter in my voice, I tell him, “Aww, Grayson, I’m honored to know you talk about me all the time.” I turn my attention back to Tucker. “Yeah, my shop is growing in popularity, because we only create perfection with every bike we build. It was a rough few years starting out, but now, we’re thinking about expanding and opening another shop this time in Atlanta, where my business partner’s wife is from. She’s expecting a baby, so they’ve been talking about moving there and settling down before the baby comes. We’re already have shops in Houston, Virginia Beach, and Laguna Beach.”

  A look of astonishment flashes across Tucker’s face. “Well, I gotta say that is pretty fuckin’ cool. I’ve been thinking about getting a bike. I’ll definitely keep you in mind. Do you have a business card or something?”

  Grabbing my wallet out of my back pocket, I slide a card out with my shop’s name on it and business website. “Here ya go. Whenever you think you’re ready to customize your bike, let us know and we’ll hook ya up.”

  Grayson and Tucker continue talking as I get to work pouring myself a mug of beer. As I’m filling my glass up, I hear a familiar soft and sweet voice behind me say hello to Grayson.

  Bringing my glass to my lips, I open my mouth wide and gulp down half its contents. My heart rate has increased, and I feel my blood pressure skyrocketing.

  I need a drink to calm my nerves before I turn around and have to see her face-to-face. This is not how I expected our first interaction in four years to happen.

  Swallowing down the lump lodged in my throat, I spin around and lock eyes with Emelyn. She’s standing between Tucker and Grayson, and my eyes immediately leave hers and focus on the fact Tucker has his hand resting at the small of her back.

  Fuck. Delilah never mentioned her having a boyfriend. The last we talked, she told me Emelyn had dated a few guys, but none of them had worked out. A small part of me had a sliver of hope there was still a chance for us—that I just needed to get her alone and talk to her, to explain to her why I did what I did and find a way to get her to forgive me.

  I bring my fist to my mouth and clear my throat. I can feel sweat dampening my forehead. Suddenly, my body feels hot and my stomach is twisting into a million tight knots.

  “Emelyn.”

  “Lawson.”

  We blurt out each other’s names at the same time as we stare back at each other, with a look of shock reflecting on both of our faces.

  “You two know each other?” Tucker asks, glancing from me to Emelyn with a confused look on his face. The recognition seems to flash across his features, and I begin to wonder if maybe she’s told him about me. I wonder how serious they are. The thought of him fucking her flashes through my mind, and immediately has me seeing red and balling my fists at my sides.

  I’m a fucking hypocrite. I have zero right to be pissed off and jealous right now. Emelyn was the perfect girl, my perfect girl, and I fucked it all up. Now, my fuck-up is this Tucker guy’s fucking gain.

  “Oh, of course you know him,” Tucker blurts before Emelyn can get a word out. She looks nervous as she shifts from foot to foot and twiddles her fingers nervously in front of her. “He’s Delilah’s brother, so of course you know him.”

  She gives him a weak smile and nods in agreement with him. “Yeah, that’s it.” Her voice is soft and barely audible over the crowd of people. I zone out everyone around us, and all I can do is focus on her. I slide my gaze over her body, taking in every inch of her. She looks absolutely gorgeous in a tight pink floral sundress with thin spaghetti straps and a pair of worn, brown cowgirl boots.

  “I’m feeling pretty tired. Can you take me home?” Emelyn asks. I keep trying to peel my eyes off of her, but it’s physically impossible.

  The idea of him taking her home makes my head want to explode. I’ve never had to control myself as much as I am right now. Every single molecule of my being is screaming to knock this guy out and drag Emelyn away so I can make her talk to me, make her give me a chance to explain myself.

  “Have a fun night, fellas,” Tucker says, reaching out his hand once again, breaking me from my thoughts of beating his ass. I grab his hand with my free one and give it another shake.

  “Nice to meet you. I guess it’s safe to say I’ll be seeing you around.” I put on my best fake smile to mask the anger boiling inside me. I gulp down the last of my beer and slam it back on the table, filling it again to the top and not wasting a second before bringing it to my lips to gulp another mouthful down.

  Emelyn watches me closely, and when my eyes meet hers, she furrows her brow and glares up at me with a look of pure disgust and hatred. I feel like an even bigger pile of shit now.

  This is why I avoid this fucking town. Emelyn hates me. “Bye, Grayson. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says, pulling him in for a hug. I find myself jealous of even him because he gets to hold her in his arms. Here I stand with my arms aching to reach out to her, while I fight with every ounce of strength I have to keep my hands to myself.

  The last thing I need is to be fishing my balls from my stomach, and I know that’s exactly what would probably happen if I tried to steal a goodbye hug from her.

  “Bye, Lawson,” is all she says before Tucker nods at us one more time and follows her out of the bar.

  Because I love torturing myself, I watch her walk the entire length of the bar and then disappear outside with him.

  I need to try and fix this.

  Fix us.

  I don’t know if what I broke four years ago can even come close to being fixed, which terrifies the shit out of me. Especially when pretty boy Tucker is hanging around, but I need to at least try and get us back to a place where we can be friends.

  It would make not only me happy, but Delilah too. She hates how life has been since the night of the accident. It’ll hurt like hell being around Emelyn and not being able to hold her or kiss her sweet lips whenever the desire arises, but I’ll take friendship over nothing at all. Maybe if I’m lucky, we can slowly build that friendship into something more.

  I don’t care if she’s with Tucker. She was mine first, and what we had was a once in a lifetime kind of love. He’ll never compare to me, just like every other guy Delilah said she’s dated.

  I know I sound like one cocky son of a bitch, but it’s the only way I’ll keep myself sane these next two weeks. I have to stay positive, telling myself there’s still a chance for us.

  I miss not having her in my life. She’s like a ray of sunshine that no matter how dark and cloudy your life may seem, she’s able to push them away and brighten everything around you with just her presence and her smile.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Emelyn

  After standing in
line for twenty minutes waiting for my coffee, along with the rest of Lincoln’s coffee addicts waiting on their next fix, I finally pull into the parking lot of the pediatrics office I work at.

  I’m decked out in hot pink scrub pants, and a cute top with stethoscopes and Band-Aids all over it. I try to dress fun and colorful for the kids who come in each day. I love my job, and even though I’m not doing what I planned, I’m happy with where I am for now. I may go back to school so I can become a physician’s assistant, but that’ll be a while down the road.

  Grabbing my nametag from my purse, I slip it over my head and take a long sip of my coffee as I pull open the large glass door leading into the small building. I barely slept last night, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Lawson. I almost fell on the damn floor when I saw him at the bar. The second he turned around and locked eyes with me, my knees went weak, my heart jumped into my throat, and I felt the palpable spark ignite between us.